Part two, get real girl!!!!

It's been a while since my last post and I had to look back to my old post and see where did I leave off. Which is where the headline came in.

As you've read my past post, you know I've been through a lot and if you haven't read my past blogs. I've been through a lot...lol.

All kidding a side, since my last post so many things happened. I'll be as brief as I can.

Since my last post, he (boyfriend) got sick, he ended up first being diagnosed with Cancer. After many test it turned out it wasn't Cancer but what he did have was an Aneurysm. So my whole world stopped and it became all about him, helping him to heal, helping him manage the business. My life in an instant changed, I prayed daily, sometimes all day long for god to heal him and keep him alive.

He began acting different but I thought it was due to the surgery and the Aneurysm, these were actually red flag moments. I tried to pray them away, but it doesn't matter how much you pray some things are just not sent by god.

After many months, then years of chaos. The bomb went off finally. I remember that day like if it was Armageddon, I remember hearing the audible voice of god say "It's time". So I turned to him and said the lord says it's time. He looked at me as if he knew exactly what was about to happen. With that scared look in his eyes we left the gym.

That evening as usual we went to dinner then returned to the office to pick up my car. Only someone was outside my door, she proceeded to say that she was his fiance of 15 years. At that point everything became slow, everything was moving in slow motion and her words and actions were actually happening in real life.

The lord always, always is with us and at that moment I was able to drive home calmly. Many things happened after that but slowly it all was revealed.

It's taken a while to get to the point of writing and sharing, but so much healing has taken place. The grieving process was hard and yet not over, but the hardest has past; Overall knowing myself and getting deeper with my healing has been taking place. I had to get honest with myself and recognize that I still had so many areas that still had open wounds. I had wounds that needed healing and he constantly was scratching at those wounds. (AKA covert narcissist).

They say healing is never ending but at some point we get to a point where we can help others.

Sure betrayal, lying and cheating is hard and ugly, but the love of god is greater.

During my time of going in deeper and seeking god's face I ran into hard days but ultimately understanding god's goodness. I had to see and understand that god allowed me to stay until I was strong enough to leave.

I did hear the holy spirit constantly saying pray like this. The way I prayed helped me to get the courage to leave and to know my worth. To know that I didn't deserve what happened and that I could trust that god would take care of me.

I've learning valuable lessons along the way.

First, never judge! You never know what someone is going through.

Two, this can happen to anyone. (While listening to Marshawn Evans -Believe bigger book- her story, she too was cheated on, and she was a great woman of god).

Three, time passes and god wants to heal us. The lord is near to those who cry out to him, and looking back I was crying out along time ago not realizing that the signs where there and I didn't know how to leave.

God's mercy and love is so great, ultimately the lord gives us the strength to leave and heal. If you are in a place of betrayal, in a place of needing to heal. The lord will heal you, the lord will be there for you. If you need the courage to leave a man that isn't good for you cry out and see god's goodness.

You deserve a good life and god wants that for you also.

I hope that this encourages you or someone you might know. The day I left him I said,

"What the enemy meant for evil, god will use it for his good!"

The pain in my heart ultimately will help others heal.

Blessings,

Angie Castillo